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3 min read

Wilkommen züruck

Remember when you were a small baby child and all you wanted was someone to jangle their conglomerate of keys in front of your face as you groped at the air just in front of them? Well here you go. Jingle jingle my friends, grope away. If scientists weren't busy being deeply unserious maybe we would find out how many babies gum trace amounts of horse tranq from their parents' keys. Alas.

Before we start casting stones at godless lab prats I should probably examine my immediate surroundings for a glass house. You see whilst we were selling you on self custody, we conveniently forgot to do it ourselves and lost virtually all our contacts in the Sendicate bush fire. So if you remember the email address of someone who would benefit from following the trail of wombat cubes we're back to dropping make sure to sign them up non-consensually. Consensual signups permitted though frowned upon.

Where Am I?

You find yourself reading text on a website. That website is moneylaundering.fr. You become aware that you are not breathing as deeply as Andrew Huberman would recommend. We're going to look after you. Despite the URL, this is not a washed up microinfluencer landgrab for the presently unsatisfied niche of flaunting your Nancy Pelosi copytrade gains. Ok hands up I admit that's almost exactly what it is, but I prefer the framings 'acupuncture for your chakras' or 'money zealot rehab'. If none of these things interest you, or email notifications simply send you into a primal amygdalan panic spiral, feel free to unsubscribe.

Let's Go Shopping!!!!!!111

Premise established, here are some of our half baked plans for this new enterprise:

It's difficult trying to cover all bases of our audience but you have to give us credit for trying. Literal credit, please.

Opinion: My Robot My Choice

Let's tackle the elephant in the room; the unfortunate truth; the "metaphorical" dead dog in your "proverbial" freezer: we're all getting robots. The Jetsons was an Jeremiahn prophecy, nobody works anymore, and I'm hereby predicting that the advent of bipedal silicon subjugation will not be without West Coast Customs-style robot mod shops. Pay'n'Sprays for the bicentennial man, woman, or cryptid in your life. BroBot requires a face tat to ascend rank in the crips? Easy. Need to override the RoboSis factory prompt for deeper relations? No questions asked. You might have to ask around, but by 2035 there will be a shop out there that will graft a replica of Ghandi's head onto your rooted Tesla Humanoid, so when it violates Asimovan law by throwing a sharp 1-2 at your son's homeschool bully, PC PrinciBot's facial recognition software might just let it live.

Hymn Of The Issue 🙏

Hey legends, Father Bob Maguire here. Let’s take a moment to chat about something that’s been brightening up my day—Altın Gün’s album On. This talented group blends traditional Turkish folk with a splash of psychedelic rock and funk, creating a sound that’s both timeless and refreshingly new.

Now, there’s a track called “Goca Dunya” that’s particularly captivating. It’s got this infectious rhythm and soulful vibe that just draws you in. It’s the kind of music that connects us, reminding us of all the colours of human culture. So, why not give it a listen? And while you’re exploring these delightful tunes, consider subscribing to our community playlist.

The moneylaundering.fr (cash money laundry) newsletter is brought to you by Cash and Shamoney, co-creators of the Flex Dapps Newslettuce - the email newsletter with the highest clickthrough rate in the world.

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DISCLAIMER: DESPITE WHAT OUR NAME MIGHT SUGGEST MONEYLAUNDERING.FR IS NOT AN UNDERGROUND NETWORK FOR CLEANING CASH, CLOTHES, OR CRYPTO. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ILLICIT ACTIVITIES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL OR FOR COMEDIC EFFECT.

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